October 17, 2005

The Dark Abyss


Walking in the sunshine
Everything crisp and white
Not suspecting anything was wrong
Not knowing danger was just ahead

Suddenly, without warning
My world falls out from under me
The ice cracks then breaks
I have been plunged into a dark abyss

It seems I am surrounded by black icy water, I can’t see
I struggle for breath, my lungs ache
My head is spinning, I can’t move
I try not to panic, I can’t think

It would be easy to surrender and die
I call out to my maker, Oh God, save me!
I see a light; I find a pocket of air
I can breathe, I can survive

Somehow I find the break in the ice
I am helped to shore by people who care
Others just watch and gossip
Pointing their fingers and wagging their tongues cruelly

I have a warm blanket of love around my shoulders
I continue to tremble, I have memory loss, I cry uncontrollably
I am thankful I am alive
I don’t know how I will go on with my life

Professionals, family, friends and neighbors reach out to help
I am surrounded by well meaning words
I am bombarded by insensitivity to my circumstances
I am encircled but I feel all alone

The dark abyss is my beloved’s suicide
The black icy water is denial, guilt and mourning
Blindly, numbly I go through the process
Slowly my senses come back

I stand at the edge of the abyss, not wanting to fall
Unsure where forward lies
Frightened of taking a wrong step
Oh, where do I turn?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What a difference three years makes...

My darkness has transformed into light,

My pain has turned to delight;

I have found happiness once again...

And am celebrating life!