Celebration of Life

Moving beyond my pain and celebrating life.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

January 30, 2007...One year ago today...



You never know what the day will bring; life can change from moment to moment.

January 30, 2007 is one of those days bookmarked in my memory bank. Up until the second of impact I was happy. I was planning on getting married in the spring, moving and starting a new phase in my life.

My fiance' Lou and I were looking at country property and had just left the realtor. Lou was driving my car and we were discussing the possibilities of the property we just viewed. All of a sudden I noticed the STOP sign and was about to say something when we were hit by the cattle truck. The truck tried to stop but pushed us through the intersection and into the cement lined irrigation ditch. The truck's impact was right where I was sitting. Thankfully, no one was killed! My car was totaled. The two mile ride in the ambulance was the longest ride I had ever taken.

I was the only one that did not walk away from the emergency room. I was in the hospital for three weeks with a broken pelvis, a broken rib which punctured my right lung and a fractured bone in my lower back. I had to learn to walk again and after Lou took care of me for almost two months he took me home and dropped me off. I live about 300 miles away from where the crash happened.

So, there I was at home not being able to get around very well without a vehicle. A friend loaned me a car but I had to put air in the tires and get it jump started every time I needed to go somewhere. Lou was supposed to come back the next weekend to see me and take me to the grocery store, he never did come back.

Being the strong headed Wyoming Woman that I am, I managed to figure things out and get another vehicle. My insurance company did not pay all that I owed on my vehicle, (I did not know that "gap" insurance even existed)so I was strapped financially too.

For one reason or another, Lou could not come back to see me so I decided to go see him one weekend. I thought it would be a real cool surprise to show up and show him my new vehicle and spend the weekend with him, after all we were going to be married in just a couple of months.

When I got to his house, he wasn't there and my key didn't work. I called him on his cell phone and said, "Surprise! I am here and my key doesn't work." He made an excuse about changing the locks then told me to go get something to eat and he would meet me back there in an hour.

When I returned, I noticed all of my stuff was out on his porch and he was nowhere to be seen. So I called him and he didn't answer. So then, I text him, asking him what was going on? He text me back telling me that he had a motel room for me in his name and to go check in and he would be right there. I left my stuff on his porch and went to the motel thinking that something wonderful was in store.

When I checked into the motel, I called him to tell him I was there. That's when he broke up with me, on the phone. He didn't even have the nerve to tell me in person. He told me that he met someone else and that he did not want to be with me anymore. He had sold his house and moved right after he had dropped me off at my house.

He broke my heart. My mind whirled with the thoughts of what I might have done or said that would make him look else where. I blamed myself. I cried for days. He would not answer my phone calls but eventually answered my emails when I told him that I would wait forever for him to change his mind. It only took three weeks for the other woman to dump him. He called me crying and we talked for hours. I loved him so much it didn't matter that he was unfaithful to me because after all, my love for him was strong enough for both of us.

We talked about getting back together again and resuming where we left off.

During the three weeks when he was still with the other woman, my friends and family had counseled me. They told me that they had a bad feeling about him from the beginning and I was better off without him. I knew this in my head, but my heart was stronger.

To make a long story short, with an open mind and experience of recognizing when he was not telling me the truth, it took me a few months to break it off with him. I decided my heart could not survive another wreck with him. We have remained friendly, we exchange emails but we have not seen each other again.

My body is slowly healing and I still have some residual affects from the wreck, my finances are tight but, my heart has completely healed.

There is always a silver lining with every storm cloud and something to be thankful for in every wreck in our lives. Yes, I am truly thankful for this wreck because it kept me from marrying Lou and it taught me an important life lesson.

I am thankful that I survived the wreck that broke my body and I am also thankful for the wreck that broke my heart... I am a stronger person for it. I am also thankful for my family and friends who stood behind me and encouraged me through my healing process.

My life lesson learned: Forgiveness is a powerful force; much stronger than hate and bitterness.

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