Not the odds I care to be a part of... One in Eight

This week, I found out that I belong to this group.  This is not a group I ever thought I would be a part of.  I was already in the "Cancer Survivor" group; as far as I know, breast cancer is not on
either side of my family. 

Different people handle this kind of news, different ways.  For me, no matter how tough I think I am or how much my stubbornness has got me through difficult times before, being tough or stubborn does not cure cancer.

My faith in God is strong and I believe that it was His divine hand that led me to the radiologist who found the mass and it was God who woke him in the middle of the night to take a deeper and more detailed look at my films and then to refer me to an excellent doctor and surgeon.  It was his insistence that made my husband, Vaughn urge me to get a biopsy and to quickly find the cancer.

I do not know what tomorrow might bring, but I do know that whatever happens, God is there to comfort me.  I am reminded of Psalm 94:19 - When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Still celebrating life...Jolene

It has been a couple of years since I have blogged.  I am not promising a daily or even weekly blog but my intentions are to blog regularly and use my creative writing skills once again. 

Sometimes, I feel like this old truck.  Not pretty to look at, worn  out in places and just plain tired. 

Since my last blog, I have remarried, have a different job in a different state but am still celebrating my life.

                                        

It has been nine years since I lost Leo to suicide.  I thought my life was over then and did not think I could move forward.  I have learned to put one foot in front of the other and leave one year at a time behind me.  I am still single and living my life on my terms.  I am content.  I am still celebrating life.

October is Suicide Awareness Month

It has been seven years since my Leo took his life and changed my life forever.  September, October and November are hard months for me because those are the months that I have lost loved ones.  October is especially hard because of Leo.

In my work, I have become friends with professionals in the mental health field and in a small way have become involved with the Suicide Prevention Coalition and Suicide Awareness Month.  The Coalition sponsors an art show by school children who in an artistic way depict "Why I Want to Live."  These children write poems, write stories and draw or paint pictures.  Last evening, I was one of three judges of these expressions of life.

As I was looking through the art work, I became overwhelmed with grief and was barely able to keep myself together.  I completed my task and left quickly.  I was shocked and appalled at myself and I was not sure why I was acting and feeling so weird.

Thankfully, my daughter and grandchildren live close by so I went there just to get my balance back.  I had a nice evening with my family and chat with my daughter.  When I left for home, I felt a heavy load was lifted from my shoulders and I had my balance back.

I thought seven years was too long to be grieving and feeling the way I did, but as my daughter pointed out, the love connection never leaves and there will always be the loss grief.  My daughter was correct, she is wise beyond her years.

I am back...celebrating life.

Jo

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Mother...

Happy Birthday, Mother!

I am sending these balloons to heaven to you today

so that you know that I am thinking of you.

Your memories and love are stored deep in my heart.

Love,

Jo

Wilderness Challenge

This is the new "Wilderness Challenge" that I am going to paint in January. I will keep you posted as to my progress...wish me luck!

Jo

It's been six years....

In the past six years since Leo's death (suicide) my life has changed but in many ways it has stayed the same. I am still single, still live close to my daughter and three beautiful and smart granddaughters and I have a great job which I enjoy very much.

The biggest changes have been internally. I no longer seek approval from others and find my self-worth from within, knowing that I am living up to my potential by self examination and integrity.

I may never know why Leo killed himself but I do know that suicide is an awful way to solve problems and it only hurts those who are left behind.

Now that I have been down my life path six more years, I keep looking to the future not backwards in despair; I just keep on Celebrating Life!

All is well,

Jo